Regrets and Difficult Choices

I have this issue, or at least that is what term I have chosen to explain my choices. Let me explain...at the beginning of every school year I get crush on someone and I convince myself not to do anything about it because I have all year long to supposedly act, yet time and time again I do nothing at all, and at the end of the year I find myself regretting my decisions. PAUSE...my itunes just started playing Dream On, I find this highly appropriate...UNPAUSE Now the school year is ending and once again I am left with decisions unmade and overwhelming regret...I feel that it is too late to do anything and that bugs me. Mostly it bugs me more that it is my own fault that nothing happened because it makes me feel that I can't to do anything due to my incapability to act upon my feelings. Then I confuse myself because when it comes to standing up for causes or for other people I have no problem; I am extremely out-spoken when it comes to opinions and caring for something else, but when it comes to myself I can't let those feelings out. Then I will do this, analyze myself yet still continue the circle. I am so out of touch with my emotions, but still in-sync with them at the same time. I can't let go of the sense of dread I feel every time I let someone new into my life because I am unsure of their intentions and feel that if I tell them a bit of who I am they have the power to chip away at me bit by bit and break me. For me that is what is the worse; I would love for someone to be there for me, but I can't handle it if they left so I don't have anyone and am left by myself knowing the whole time why I am the way I am yet incapable of being able to push past the wall I have built.
The reason I am writing this, is not to have a pity party nor to ask for pity, both would be ridiculous, it is to get my feelings written down first and foremost but also to perhaps help anyone reading this. To tell you, if you think I'll wait till tomorrow, remember there may not be a tomorrow and even if there is you may yet again say tomorrow is another day and come to regret your decisions that new tomorrow. Life is what we make of it. We are in control of our own destinies and everyday we need to remind ourselves of that. Honesty with oneself is hard enough but honesty about yourself with others is a difficult choice but without these choices what would be the point of tomorrow? Make what you can of today. My color guard coach, every time before a competition, would say put everything you have out there on that field so when you come off you won't have anything to regret. Every competition I would live to that, and when I came off the field, I never regretted my performance because I knew I had done my best. Live with that motto day to day, leave everything you feel, do everything you can on that day, so the next day you won't regret that you didn't make the difficult choices.

A cat singing Superstitions

      So the big speech is tommorow, AHHHHHHHH! On the bright side, I have not changed my topic since last time and tommorow I shall be informing the class on quidditch: Muggle and Magic.
     In other news, me and a couple of my friends have started a band, woohoo! We already have a couple of songs, so when we finally record them, I shall post them up here. It is all rather exciting, we just need a name, so if anyone has ideas they would be greatly appreciated.
     So that is what's been happening, the sun is out, people are happy and I can't wait to go home for spring break! 

New News

New Song of the moment: The Ballad of Mona Lisa by Panic at the Disco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgpdp3lP8M I'm not a huge fan of the video but I am really enjoying the song

New Doctor of the moment: Tom Baker(#4) While waiting for Matt Smith to come back, I have been enjoying Tom's run as the doctor and now have a craving jelly babies

New Topic for informative speech of the moment: So I have to give an informative speech in my communications class and I have been unable to decide upon a topic. At first I thought I would inform the class about tea, but then I thought ooooooh what about color guard? Sadly that thought didn't last long because I switched to Doctor Who, but thought that may be a bit too vast, sooooooo at the moment I shall be informing the class on Quidditch, muggle and magic. And in case you don't know what I mean by muggle quidditch http://www.internationalquidditch.org/ read and enjoy :)

New Desktop image at the moment:



Yes, I am obsessed.

 New annoyance of the moment: My Tempur Pedic keeps sliding off my bed.

New News: None...or Some...DUN DUN DUNNNN...yeah you just read the news sooooo that's it, until I change my speech topic...AGAIN! Ughhhhhhh, if you have any good ideas, please inform me :)