Regrets and Difficult Choices

I have this issue, or at least that is what term I have chosen to explain my choices. Let me explain...at the beginning of every school year I get crush on someone and I convince myself not to do anything about it because I have all year long to supposedly act, yet time and time again I do nothing at all, and at the end of the year I find myself regretting my decisions. PAUSE...my itunes just started playing Dream On, I find this highly appropriate...UNPAUSE Now the school year is ending and once again I am left with decisions unmade and overwhelming regret...I feel that it is too late to do anything and that bugs me. Mostly it bugs me more that it is my own fault that nothing happened because it makes me feel that I can't to do anything due to my incapability to act upon my feelings. Then I confuse myself because when it comes to standing up for causes or for other people I have no problem; I am extremely out-spoken when it comes to opinions and caring for something else, but when it comes to myself I can't let those feelings out. Then I will do this, analyze myself yet still continue the circle. I am so out of touch with my emotions, but still in-sync with them at the same time. I can't let go of the sense of dread I feel every time I let someone new into my life because I am unsure of their intentions and feel that if I tell them a bit of who I am they have the power to chip away at me bit by bit and break me. For me that is what is the worse; I would love for someone to be there for me, but I can't handle it if they left so I don't have anyone and am left by myself knowing the whole time why I am the way I am yet incapable of being able to push past the wall I have built.
The reason I am writing this, is not to have a pity party nor to ask for pity, both would be ridiculous, it is to get my feelings written down first and foremost but also to perhaps help anyone reading this. To tell you, if you think I'll wait till tomorrow, remember there may not be a tomorrow and even if there is you may yet again say tomorrow is another day and come to regret your decisions that new tomorrow. Life is what we make of it. We are in control of our own destinies and everyday we need to remind ourselves of that. Honesty with oneself is hard enough but honesty about yourself with others is a difficult choice but without these choices what would be the point of tomorrow? Make what you can of today. My color guard coach, every time before a competition, would say put everything you have out there on that field so when you come off you won't have anything to regret. Every competition I would live to that, and when I came off the field, I never regretted my performance because I knew I had done my best. Live with that motto day to day, leave everything you feel, do everything you can on that day, so the next day you won't regret that you didn't make the difficult choices.

A cat singing Superstitions

      So the big speech is tommorow, AHHHHHHHH! On the bright side, I have not changed my topic since last time and tommorow I shall be informing the class on quidditch: Muggle and Magic.
     In other news, me and a couple of my friends have started a band, woohoo! We already have a couple of songs, so when we finally record them, I shall post them up here. It is all rather exciting, we just need a name, so if anyone has ideas they would be greatly appreciated.
     So that is what's been happening, the sun is out, people are happy and I can't wait to go home for spring break! 

New News

New Song of the moment: The Ballad of Mona Lisa by Panic at the Disco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgpdp3lP8M I'm not a huge fan of the video but I am really enjoying the song

New Doctor of the moment: Tom Baker(#4) While waiting for Matt Smith to come back, I have been enjoying Tom's run as the doctor and now have a craving jelly babies

New Topic for informative speech of the moment: So I have to give an informative speech in my communications class and I have been unable to decide upon a topic. At first I thought I would inform the class about tea, but then I thought ooooooh what about color guard? Sadly that thought didn't last long because I switched to Doctor Who, but thought that may be a bit too vast, sooooooo at the moment I shall be informing the class on Quidditch, muggle and magic. And in case you don't know what I mean by muggle quidditch http://www.internationalquidditch.org/ read and enjoy :)

New Desktop image at the moment:



Yes, I am obsessed.

 New annoyance of the moment: My Tempur Pedic keeps sliding off my bed.

New News: None...or Some...DUN DUN DUNNNN...yeah you just read the news sooooo that's it, until I change my speech topic...AGAIN! Ughhhhhhh, if you have any good ideas, please inform me :)

Friendship

Friendship isn't something easily defined but the beautiful thing about friendship is that it doesn't need to be. Every interaction between people creates a bond but friendship is more then that, it is more then a dictionary definition. Friendship is extremely difficult at times but on the other hand it can be a breeze, it all depends on the people. That's why you can't define friendship, because you can't define the people.
This school year has helped me realize this. Living with 5 other people who come from different backgrounds, who see the world through different eyes, has taught me that these differences in who we are create what we know as friendships. Some friendships are destined for years, some for months and some just for the day, but in any case the people still change because of it. Some people learn to be more trusting, more open-minded. Others learn to be more closed off, more close-minded. The thing that I hope comes of my friendships is that they last as long as they should and that I learn from them to be a more balanced individual.
Biologically all humans strive for homeostasis, a balance in your body, so why not strive for homeostasis, a balance in your mind.

These Challenges...

I've realized that I do not like these challenges;therefore, I am going to be totally random. There will be no coherent thought processes for anyone to follow, no logical order, no patterns to scope out, no graphs to be made here, sorry. Move along if that is what you are looking for. I shall post what I want when I want and how I want and if that means no spell check then so be it. Thank you for understanding and if you don't, well I'm not really that sorry.

Day 6

So this picture is supposed to be of a person I would like to trade places with for the day, but quite frankly I have no interest in trading places, I rather like being me. so instead I will show pretty pictures of nature that I took...yeah

Nature :)

Me in nature, dun dun dunnnnn



Even more nature

So I hope you feel enlightened about what person I would like to trade places with, because I know that particular piece of information is very important to you :)

Day 5

So this picture challenge is my favortie memory. This is a picture of me and my sister at my parents wedding. It was the most amazing thing and I cried like a baby.

No that is not champagne or wine, just apple cider, such sadness...

Day 4...dun dun dunnnn

Today's challenge entails jumping over shark infested waters, then piloting a 747 through a hailstorm, then jumping out of the airplane over Mount Everest and gliding over to the Taj Mahal, otherwise known as what I do on a nightly basis...yeah I usually study...hahahah...no I procrasinate and stay up way to late :)

In my efforts to procrasinate, I...

Watercolor

Read

Watch too much television

Day 3

Today's picture challenge is a picture of the cast from my favortie television show. For me this is incredibly hard.
The Contenders are:

• Doctor Who
• Glee
• Top Gear
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Big Bang Theory
• Primeval
• Torchwood
• Gossip Girl
• Coupling
• Fawlty Towers
• Lost

So you can see I watch entirely too much television. But when it comes down to it, Doctor Who wins...by far.

The New Season
From Left to Right: Rory(Arthur Davill), Amy(Karen Gillian), and the Doctor(Matt Smith)

All the Doctors :D

 This show is awesome and everytime I watch it, I smile :)

Day 2

The challenge for today is a picture of  you and the person you have been close to for the longest. Now while many people put there parents, I have not till recently been very close with them, next would be my brother, but once again we are not particulary close, so...the person is my best friend, and now my sister.

We have had our ups and downs but in the end, she has been there for me.

So I haven't posted in awhile, because quite frankly I didn't know what to write about. I don't want this blog to be a diary, but I also don't want it to only be a social commentary. The reason I named it "The Darcy Syndrome" is because I love Pride and Prejudice and I felt that it would be a good way to intertwine life and fiction; however, I do not feel as if I have been very sucessfull in merging the two. So I am starting anew with something a bit simpler and that will give me direction and then from there I shall branch out. So thus shall begin my 60 day picture challenge!

Day 1: Post a picture of yourself with 15 facts

1. I am naturally blond
2. I am a Whovian
3. I am a super Harry Potter fan
4. I am a Musical fanatic with my favorites being Phantom of the Opera and Billy Elliot
5. I love English telvision, it's bascially all I watch
6. People who wear black and brown at the same time scare me
7. I can't eat my food if it touches or is mixed
8. I am terrified of driving cars but love looking at them
9. If a bug is near by I have been known to travel faster then the speed of light away from it, but other then that I run at the pace of a snail
10. I have a shoe obession and not enough money to fuel it
11. I have been known to be slightly sarcastic...
12. I love ice...eating it, watching people skate on it, watching people pass around a puck on it, yeah and I really love the ice with cream
13. Peppermint is my favorite scent of all time with Cinnamon coming in a very close second
14. I love traveling
15. My choice of transportation is a type 40 TARDIS :)

Perfection

      We all strive for perfection. We push ourselves to the brink, hoping that perfection isn't as far as we think.We chase this goal but in most cases we judge our perfection from other's opinions and other's standards, very rarely do we look at ourselves independently. Perfection is difficult to acheive because the perfection we have defined doesn't exist. Dressing up, putting on makeup, keeping up with the latest fad, all of these things are actions we do in order to achieve perfection for others, because society mandates it, but this only takes us to acceptable. In order to be perfect in our world, we must  be sincere with our emotions, yet never show them, we must know everything, but act like there is more to learn, we must excel at everything, yet not be too good lest it provoke jealousy in others. Perfection, in our world, is a bunch of contradictions. This is why we must look at ourselves with a new perspective, because perfection starts within. It starts with knowing yourself and then searching deeper and loving who you are. Yes, this is a cliche, but so is perfection. If we can appreciate ourselves despite what the world says about who we have to be, then we can change the expectations society places on us, and we can make perfection achievable for everyone.

What is TDS?

      The Darcy Syndrome(TDS): First recorded in the year 1813, when Jane Austen published her novel Pride and Prejudice, TDS continues strong in today's world. TDS is charecterized by an immense love for the character Mr. Darcy, so intense that no other man seems good enough. Many TDS sufferers are crippled by these high expectations, and never meet anyone with Mr. Darcy's sauve sophistication, quizzical brows, bags of money, air of class, hard exterior, and soft heart. They are always on the search of this elusive man, never learning to appreciate what is around them. Many refuse to believe he is fictional, instead they fixate on the idea that if there are six billion people in the world, there must be a  Mr. Darcy out in the world. Hard to cure and highly contagious, there is not much hope for TDS sufferers. 
       I was diagnosed in the year 2005, and ever since then I have been plagued with high expectations, but as of today I am on the lookout for the cure: a new perspective. It will be dangerous, difficult and tiresome, but I think I am up for the challenge.